(PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski


Fe and well being in general Why read another book on sex Because Emily describes how your brain and your life work together to create desire and how to experience pleasure joy and confidence with your relationships AND with sex But this isn t the usual sex book with lavish promises of ecstasy by learning detailed techniues of where to put this and how to put it there Emily gives you science that Beyond Varallan feels like a warm soothing hugor all of the insecurities you ve ever elt about your body your sex and your relationships and then she describes how to apply science to your life so that you end up with the pleasure joy and confidence To be honest after inishing a draft of this book I elt peace and well being than I d elt book I Dona Flor felt peace and well being than I delt about ten years which is about when I started worrying about my body and sex And it s because Emily is describing how your brain interprets stress and how your body responds because of that how to actually manage stress without just trying to relax and how you can create a life that your body will respond all kinds of YES to Then add in science about how your brain works with goals and what kind of goal you have around your sex life and then you can appreciate how to work with the reality of your life and not just the Rocker Babies Wear Jeans fantasy of what you want your love life to be I ve read Emily s blogor a couple years now but the way she puts everything together and elaborates on all the science makes everything click in a way that eels reassuring and ull of potential I m now reading parts of the draft again and understanding even better how all of the elements work together to build joy and confidence and pleasure It s truly beautifulCome As You Are is the most practical book I ve ever read about sex and with this book and Sheri Winston s Anatomy of Arousal I would never have needed any other book on sex And I bought hundreds I m also not the most sciencey person and luckily Emily explains really complicated concepts in an easy to apply way I really think this book could change our culture s whole idea of sexuality in a way that creates pleasure Sono with Visits from the Seventh for everyone Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life is a nonfiction self help book written by sex educator researcher and author Emily Nagoski It educates about a variety of issues that impact women s sexuality and while some of it got uite repetitive in my opinion and I didn t uite take away as much new information as I expected to I m glad I read it Myavorite part discussed how the model of sexual response is based entirely on how men work and if women Remarkable Creatures fail to be like men they are often not considered sexually normal Any woman can tell you this isn t breaking news but I thought having a whole section themed with you are normal it s the world around you that s broken was incredibly validating I willorever and a day support women who choose the science ield and I have a high appreciation or Ms Nagoski s reasons Heroes Adrift (Hero, for writing this book in theirst place Check it out My Chuck and Danielle favorite uote When people ask me Am I normal They re asking Do I belong The answer is yes You belong in your body You belong in the world You ve belonged since the day you were born this is your home You don t have to earn it by conforming to some externally imposed sexual standard7616 I m actually super excited about this book No shame ladies learning is good For some women I have no doubt this would be a life changing book I definitely learned some cool stuff things I am pissed that I did not know because patriarchy But I guess I m lucky enough that I don t really need the self help of this book to help with my sex life and this aspect is really the meat of the book Also Nagoski acknowledges that the book isor and about cisgender women so that omission didn t bother me there isn t enough science about trans women or enby people but I did still Escaping the Endless Adolescence: How We Can Help Our Teenagers Grow Up Before They Grow Old feel like it was suitedor straight women in long term monogamous relationships which Nagoski doesn t give a disclaimer Dogs Behaving Badly: An A-Z Guide to Understanding and Curing Behavorial Problems in Dogs for like she does theocus on cis women The examples of lesbians didn t really Gray Bishop feel like they were specific to those experiences and bi women don t come up at all Single and poly women wouldn t get a lot out of this that would speak specifically to those experiences either I don t think Plus the metaphors used to explain absolutely everything got to me after a whil. Rousal desire and orgasm Cutting edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most importantactor Puckster's First Hockey Sweater for women in creating and sustaining aulfilling sex life is not what you do in bed or how you do it but how you eel about it Which means that stress mood trust and body image are not peripheral actors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it Once you understand these Liar factors and how to influence them you can createor yourself better sex and profound pleasure than you ever thought possibleAnd Emily Nagoski can prove it. That Noir five percent of men and thirty percent of women have responsive desire compared with seventyive percent of men and ive percent of women whose desire is spontaneous This leaves most women and twenty percent of men whose desire style changes based on the context a rather large amount "which does slightly throw the whole model into uestion Asexuality is not addressed Nagoski is understandably worried about "does slightly throw the whole model into uestion Asexuality is not addressed Nagoski is understandably worried about idea that sexual desire which differs rom the male norm is pathologised as broken or defective in some way something to be Gaffer fixed by taking a soar mythical pill she wrote an op ed piece Circumstantial Evidence for the New York Times back in February on this subjectIt s all good stuff and it s certainly a vocabulary that people should have at their disposal However it should be noted that other models of sexual desire are available It s also worth saying that all we are really doing here is playing semantics Thinking about responsive desire as a thing might help people toeel better about themselves and not to Lone Star Justice: The First Century of the Texas Rangers feel broken which is good and they re not but it doesn t really say anything about what s actually going on What affects whether desire is spontaneous or responsive Hormones Neurology Upbringing CultureThis semantics issue is something the whole book suffersrom same goes or her long and heartfelt rant about why we do not have a sex drive but rather an incentive motivation system For the life of me after reading that section several times I couldn t work out what the difference was supposed to be Even than responsive desire Nagoski is excited about something called the Dual Control Model of Arousal This is the idea developed by two researchers at the Kinsey Institute in 2006 the paper s here and essentially what it does is to consider libido in terms of those psychosomatic processes that promote sexual arousal and in terms of those that restrain it The paper posits a Sexual Excitation System SES on the one hand and a Sexual Inhibition System SIS on the other Nagoski calls them the accelerators and the brakes The SES is that part of you that Constantly Scans Your Thoughts And The World Around You For scans your thoughts and the world around you or relevant data the SIS is not inhibitions in the layman s sense but a necessary consideration of negative conseuences of any sexual activity whether medical social psychological or whateverConceptualising things in this way turns out to add uite a lot of nuance to how we think about arousal People with arousal problems differ A Chicken in Every Yard: The Urban Farm Store's Guide to Chicken Keeping fundamentally in where the issue lies some have a low SES ie not many things actually turn them on in principle while others have a very rich SES but just a highly sensitive inhibition system which stops them reacting asully as they otherwise might unless conditions are ideal Similarly sexual risk taking like unprotected sex cheating and so on is sometimes correlated with low SIS and sometimes with abnormally high SESNagoski very sensibly suggests that a prereuisite to overcoming arousal problems is understanding one s own SES and SIS getting amiliar with what exactly it is that turns you own SES and SIS getting amiliar with what exactly it is that turns you and turns you off and creating contexts where the Summer Meditations former are maximised and the latter minimised There are lots of interesting studies that bear on these ideas in various ways It wasound God Said, Ha!: A Memoir for example that wearing socks made it easieror women to orgasm while masturbating in a brain imaging machine This is not because there are sock etishists than previously appreciated but simply because it s distracting if you have cold eet and depending on your personal SIS little distractions of this kind can add up On the Right Side of a Dream fast especially one presumes when trying to get off inside a brain imaging machineIt s clear that Nagoski wants to back up her ideas by using interviews with her clients to demonstra It s hard not to love a book with a pseudo vagina on theront it s even harder not to love that same book or smashing all the preconceived ideas we have about emale and by comparison male sexuality Like Operation Iceberg : The Invasion and Conquest of Okinawa in World War II for example did you know that the hymen as an indication of virginity is entirely a social construction and there is no scientific evidence backing it Using actual real science Dr Emily Nagoski a speak the truth and only the truth sex educatorprofessor breaks down all the things we think we know about sex Come As You Are is absolutely the best book I ve ever read not just on sex but on li. Er thought possible and Come as You Are explains it allTheirst lesson in this essential transformative book by Dr Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own uniue sexuality like a Arrows of the Night: Ahmad Chalabi's Long Journey to Triumph in Iraq fingerprint and that women vary than men in our anatomy our sexual response mechanisms and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world So we never need to judge ourselves based on others’ experiences Because women vary and that’s normalSecond lesson sex happens in a context And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman’s All right so this is not the book I thought it was when I got it and I apologiseor a rating that would surely be higher if I were part of the target audience I was hoping it was a survey of the latest scientific research into arousal disorders and sexuality in act it s a very selective presentation of those *PIECES OF RESEARCH THAT ARE CONSIDERED HELPFUL IN PROMOTING *of research that are considered helpful in promoting s sexual well being autonomy and pleasure Studies however revealing which do not promote Such Things Are Ignored things are ignored other words the book is primarily therapy not science Perhaps not surprising given that the author is a sex therapist but I hadn t realised that I thought she was a researcherI ve been very intentional about the empirical details I ve included or excluded I asked myself Does this act help women have better sex lives or is it just a totally ascinating and important empirical puzzle And I cut the puzzlesThis means that although there is some useful information here it is interspersed with a lot of rather irritating vaguely encouraging bullshit about living with confidence and joy inside your body reassurances that you are all normal all beautiful and exhortations to listen with your heart not with your ear Naturally as a British passport holder I cannot read this stuff without eeling my toes clench and my testicles retract into my body and the narrative tone doesn t help either Nagoski writes in the earnest chatty way of someone trying to write a book or people who don t read books with lots of orcedly collouial comments like Wait what and For realsie real OK What Every American Should Know About the Rest of the World fine I am clearly not the target audience I get that butor me it gets incredibly grating when every hint of scientific information is hedged around with encouragements and stupid metaphors and open condescension before a section on the hedonic centres of the mesolimbic cortex which Nagoski calls your emotional One Ring she warns It gets pretty nerdy here Ready Okay and afterwards pats us on the head by asking did you make it head by asking Did you make it That was the hard part Nice job Gee thanks Dr NagoskiAristophanes in Plato s Symposium and I Got a New Friend for those of you who very understandably justell asleep replace that with the song The Origin of Love The Real Lincoln: A New Look at Abraham Lincoln, His Agenda, and an Unnecessary War from John Cameron Mitchell s Hedwig and the Angry Itch offers this parable about why humans love Really What Iound so infuriating about all this is the implied gendering of her tone it s somehow pitched at a certain idea of women as though they have no interest in hard science and need their research presented in the Experiencing the Resurrection: The Everyday Encounter That Changes Your Life form of a Cosmo uiz It s really outrageous I don t know if I should be taking it as some reflection on the state of US science education but the total horror of any scientific terminology combined with the girlfriends chatting over a Manhattan tone just left a really bad taste in the mouth Men come off no better Nagoski writes that she has to translate the science of women s sexual well being into Manly Fix It Dude Speak to talk to her clients partnersThe reason this is sorustrating is that the actual research presented is pretty important and in some cases not so well known The two presiding ideas in the book I think are the concept of responsive v spontaneous desire and the dual control model of sexual arousal The terms responsive desire and spontaneous desire have been loating around or over a decade now I think the key paper was Basson et al 2003 although Nagoski says they were coined by Ellen Laan and Stephanie Both which may be true Laan is one of the authors of that paper The basic idea is that while some people can get turned on while walking down the street or doing the dishes or others it s something that only happens in response to situations that have already been made explicitly erotic Arousal irst desire secondThe disparity between these different kinds of desire is of course behind a lot of relationship stresses whence Nagoski s clinical interest For her what s important here is to point out that responsive desire is perfectly OK and is not the same as low desire A woman can be perfectly normal and healthy and never experience spontaneous sexual desire Instead she may experience responsive desire in which her desire emerges only in a highly erotic contextShe writes a woman and there may well be a sex divide Nagoski estimates on somewhat shaky data because research into this is limited. An essential exploration of why and how women’s sexuality works based on groundbreaking research and brain science that will radically transform your sex life into one Babes in Toyland: The Making and Selling of a Rock and Roll Band filled with confidence and joyResearchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a “pink pill”or women to The Meaning of Star Trek function like Viagra doesor men So where is it Well Mirage: Napoleon's Scientists and the Unveiling of Egypt for reasons this book makes crystal clear that pill will never exist but as a result of the research that’s gone into it scientists in the lastew years have learned about how women’s sexuality works than we ev. ,


Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life


10 thoughts on “(PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski

  1. says: (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski

    (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski All right so this is not the book I thought it was when I got it and I apologise for a rating that would surely

  2. says: (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski Emily Nagoski ✓ 8 FREE READ

    (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski Emily Nagoski ✓ 8 FREE READ Ok when I saw the tile of this book it thought probably what everyone else though about this book Ok the introduction and chapter 8 a

  3. says: READ & DOWNLOAD Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski

    (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski It’s hard not to love a book with a pseudo vagina on the front; it’s even harder not to love that same book for smashing all the

  4. says: (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski SUMMARY Ú eBook, ePUB or Kindle PDF ✓ Emily Nagoski READ & DOWNLOAD Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

    (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski The information in this book is solid gold A copy should be put in the hands of every person ideally before they've had sexual contact with another person But BUT The metaphors Dear Lord the metaphors We have sexuality as an accelerator and brakes sexuality as an overgrown garden sexuality as a hot water heater complex feelings as a sleeping hedgehog sexual interest as a customers seeking a diner sexual expectations a

  5. says: (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski SUMMARY Ú eBook, ePUB or Kindle PDF ✓ Emily Nagoski

    (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski Come As You Are is absolutely the best book I've ever read not just on sex but on life and well being in general Why read another book on sex? Because Emily describes how your brain and your life work together to create desire and how to experience pleasure joy and confidence with your relationships AND with sex But this isn't the usual sex book with lavish promises of ecstasy by learning detailed techniues of where to put this

  6. says: (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski

    (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski Emily Nagoski ✓ 8 FREE READ READ & DOWNLOAD Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life Books like this are why I LOVE non fictionThis should be reuired reading on female sexuality both for those with vaginas and those who are interested in or love someone with a vagina I mention the parts here because they ARE a big component of the book This is a guide to how everyone has the same parts rearranged differently and it's our pe

  7. says: SUMMARY Ú eBook, ePUB or Kindle PDF ✓ Emily Nagoski (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski Emily Nagoski ✓ 8 FREE READ

    READ & DOWNLOAD Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life Emily Nagoski ✓ 8 FREE READ SUMMARY Ú eBook, ePUB or Kindle PDF ✓ Emily Nagoski Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life is a nonfiction self help book written by sex educator researcher and author Emily Nagoski It educates about a variety of issues that impact women's sexuality and while some of it got uite repetitive in my opinion and I didn't uite take away as much new i

  8. says: Emily Nagoski ✓ 8 FREE READ (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski

    READ & DOWNLOAD Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life Emily Nagoski ✓ 8 FREE READ SUMMARY Ú eBook, ePUB or Kindle PDF ✓ Emily Nagoski 2 stars Meh Just okI love the concept behind this book and it started off very interesting and introduced severa

  9. says: READ & DOWNLOAD Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life Emily Nagoski ✓ 8 FREE READ (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski

    (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski READ & DOWNLOAD Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life For some women I have no doubt this would be a life changing book I definitely learned some cool stuff things I am pissed that I did not know because patriarchy But I guess I'm lucky enough that I don't really need the 'self help' of this book to help with my sex life and this aspect is really the meat of the book Also Nagoski acknowledges that the book is for and about cisgender women so that omission didn't

  10. says: (PDF/EPUB) [Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life] ë Emily Nagoski

    READ & DOWNLOAD Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life Emily Nagoski ✓ 8 FREE READ SUMMARY Ú eBook, ePUB or Kindle PDF ✓ Emily Nagoski Updating review I wrote this review almost five years ago I'm cringing at using lady parts I still stick to my five star review it helped me open up a lot sexually I still recommend it to everyone whether you identify as man or woman Original reviewI picked up this book because I was interested in the science a

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